Afternoon Missive: Is This Real Life?

Do you need a laugh? I know you do, I absolutely know you do. And the only possible reason I will miss the brain-compacting tension of the debates is that it means we won’t get anymore of WaPo’s Alexandra Petri’s glorious fictional interpretations of the spectacles themselves. Behold:

TRUMP: And if that baby from his mother’s womb untimely ripped gets Birnam Wood to come to Dunsinane with him, you don’t get to be king of Scotland any more.

CLINTON: I honestly did not expect you had read “Macbeth” but, okay.

And why did I need I laugh? Because last night at the debate, Trump refused to say he’d support the result of the election if he loses - and if you want to see Stephen Colbert get his groove back, watch his live monologue from after the debate ended, sock puppets and all. And it’s not like we were all shocked at his inability to say he’ll support the outcomes of the civic rite that props up the fragile human social system we’ve somehow not let implode like a succulent you overwater. From October 17th: Election officials brace for fallout from Trump’s claims of a ‘rigged’ vote. GREAT, SWEET, AWESOME, THIS WON’T CAUSE ANY PROBLEMS AT ALL, NOPE.

But don’t worry, NextDraft points out that science says that getting out in the real world may save democracy. So put down your phones, millennials, you’re bringing down the Republic.

Woof, that debate! I’m still recovering because lady boss Clinton gave me all the feels (more on that tomorrow.) Thank you Meredith and the team at Racked for giving me the opportunity to take a brain break and not feel guilty as a feminist for reveling in Hillary’s amazing debate makeup over the three nights. As the kids say, her eye makeup was “on fleek.” And before you howl at me about it, they also point out how Trump’s spray-tan goggle lines were likely softened by a makeup-brush-wielding hand.

In other news...

One of the numerous times I fan-girled out whilst at the DNC was when I got to meet Olivia Nuzzi at the Daily Beast party (that’s right, I’m a name-dropping elite stooge and I’m basically the coolest.) Her take on the Trump campaign’s afterparty in the "half-empty restaurant of the Trump International Hotel” must be read.

You’d better believe I watched Ivanka Trump’s filibuster Nancy Gibbs “interview” at the Fortune in the hopes of preserving her business interests past November 8th… Read Ivanka Trump’s Remarks at the Fortune Most Powerful Women Summit (TIME) Mad props to Nancy Gibbs for setting an almost-aggressive tone at the top of the Qs. Also, "I’m not a surrogate, I’m a daughter”? Come on.

I had my own media prejudices going into reading this, but Cracked’s piece on 6 Reasons for Trump’s Rise That No One Talks About has empathy and sadness lurking beneath its Hunger Games comparisons and snarky image captions.