Awkward Figures of Speech, and Other Morning Roadblocks

I took one look at the list of articles I compiled yesterday, realized how complicated and difficult the subjects were and how they reminded me of our fleeting collective morality, so I decided that all I wanted to tell you this morning was the following:

Walking Abercrombie cologne Ryan Lochte has been dropped by four sponsors, including Speedo, Ralph Lauren, and GENTLE HAIR REMOVAL. I think these stories are probably the most press Gentle Hair Removal has ever seen as a “brand,” which means there’s some PR person that caught the 'dump Lochte' wave with the zeal and perfect timing of a communications Maverick #fuckyeawatermetaphors

Netflix scored the rights for a new Anne of Green Gables adaptation (AHHHHHHH!)

And there’s a 12-year-old running a Trump campaign office in Jefferson County, Colorado.

Now I need more coffee. Cheers!