Blessed are the LOLs, for they shall inherit the earth.

Happiest of Mondays, my darling Mischevians. I hope you had an enjoyable weekend, maybe on par with Trump yelling into a microphone in Pennsylvania, but hopefully more like Hasan Minhaj at the White House Correspondents Dinner - amped and nervous, but slaaaaaaaying it. Obviously I am super fucking biased towards the political bent he took - one fav line of mine was "The leader of our country is not here. And that's because he's in Moscow” - but I have to say Minhaj somehow stayed at 11 for the whole thing while maintaining a captivated and tense energy with the crowd. An amazing job.

Meanwhile, her royal badass Sam Bee brought it in a white tuxedo at her “Not the White House Correspondents Dinner.” In addition to needling the Commander-in-Orange, she brought back CJ Cregg and Will Ferrell’s Dubya. it was a tour de fucking force, and further cemented Sam Bee as a woman I strive to emulate. So remember that even as our POTUS shows that he fundamentally doesn’t understand the CIVIL WAR, at least we’re in for some amazing comedy over the next four years.

Speaking of laughable interactions, watch the inimitable John Dickerson press His Awfulness on his Obama wiretapping claims until the Cheeto waves him off. JOURNALISTS, QUESTIONING LIKE THIS IS WHY WE NEED YOU SO VERY MUCH RIGHT NOW. BE LIKE DICKERSON.

And a license plate-reading robot was beat up in a Mountain View parking lot in Silicon Valley, so happy dystopia darlings!

I'm in NYC until Wednesday for the Holmes Report Sabre Awards - a campaign I worked on is a finalist for Public Affairs weeeeee - so the Missive may be even more intermittent than it has been as of late. But I promise it will be at least 75% more bagel-fueled!

Yours in two-hour flight delay caffeination,