Dystopic Nostalgia, Engaging Trolls, Open Office Warfare

Good morning, my poppets! I’m dealing with a slightly sore lower back this morning, no doubt due to my attempts to master the newest teen dance crazy, The Floss. J/k, I don’t dance, but I do hope that in our efforts to Make America Terrifying Again, we’re returning to the 1950’s trend of naming dances after stuff cliched housewives encounter: The Shopping Cart, The Mashed Potato, The (Martini) Twist, The Bus Driver, etc.

Speaking of dystopic nostalgia, American CEOs are receiving “eye popping” payouts by selling shares in the way of Trump’s tax law. For instance, “Oracle Corp. CEO Safra Catz has sold $250 million worth of shares in her company” since the cuts were implemented. COOLCOOLCOOLCOOL.

Thank you Colin for informing me that there is a fleece vest vending machine at SFO, in what might possibly be the greatest business model of all time to drain $$$ from the VCs coming in and out of our fog-ridden airport. Now, do those $50 vests include Silicon Valley Actor and known crush of the Missive Zach Woods, as pictured in the linked above story? Asking for a very sneaky friend.

Today, in No Shit Sherlock headlines: Internet Trolls Are Usually Men Who Are Psychopaths And Sadists, Study Says (study is from 2017 but I imagine the findings still hold…) Also, the Everywhereist Geraldine DeRuiter attempted to engage with her toxic online trolls, and the results were… well… not great for you faith in humanity.

As someone who locks herself in a conference room whenever she can to pump some Chopin and attempt to get stuff done, I am here for a new Harvard study that shows that open office concepts are garbage. Basically, humans do better at work if given at least some kind of privacy - like cubicles! - so the idea that we’re best and brightest when crammed into a shared table like hipsters at a restaurant opening is a fallacy. Also, I may have shared this study with you a few weeks ago, but I care not, because bitching about office seating is always en vogue. Look for my tight five on rolling chairs, coming soon.

And finally, all is not awful, as Queer Eye’s Jonathan Van Ness will be officiating the wedding of Doug the Pug’s parents. If you need a path out of your 2018 angst spiral this morning, just re-read that sentence over and over again.

You’re all lovely. Be kind to each other.