Even More Superb Owls, Incoherent Caucuses, and Other Unhinged Rants

Mein Liebchens! Apologies for the absence yesterday, I had conference calls that started before the sun rose, and the rest of the day followed suit. But don’t you worry, there’s lots to discuss, like how tumblr discovered a pun that works in so many of the languages.

Mother Jones detailed some of the stranger moments of Monday's Iowa caucuses, which I still vaguely think involve carrier pigeons, bespoke artisanal moonshine made before it was cool, and tea-leaf reading - they didn’t teach us this for the citizenship test, mmmkay? Writer Pena Levy found the only Jeb Bush supporter at his caucus, and captured this gem of democracy: "Oddly, the person who spoke on behalf of Ben Carson kept referring to him as Bernie Sanders. "He went on this really incoherent tangent about gay marriage," said Howell. "He didn't seem like the brightest guy.”” Sounds about right.

Today, in best political headline ever: Martin O'Malley, A Stock Photo Of A Handsome Man, Ends His Presidential Bid.

If you’ve been following this fair morning missive, you’ve most likely noticed how perplexed I have been by this whole Superb Owl in San Francisco business, especially when my east coast friends are surprised to here that the actual game is 48 miles away in another county (IT’S UNDER THE BAY, PEOPLE. UNDER IT.) Luckily, Pando’s Sarah Lacy is here to remind us that we’re not alone, and yep this whole “Super Bowl City” and “NFL Experience” are annoying for locals and "wildly disorganized.”

I’ve been studiously avoiding the Embarcadero - and one of my favorite yoga classes, woe is me - due to the closed off streets and massive amount of humans, but my slightly-inconvenienced wellness routine is moot. Right now, city resources like law enforcement are being diverted to Super Bowl related duties, including escorting visiting journalists throughout the week down to San Jose to keep up the illusion that this is actually San Francisco’s party. And as Diana Moskowitz at Deadspin points out, the whole thing is going to cost the city “more than $4.8 million,” a price that is currently drawing from a make-believe mattress made of unicorn hair and broken dreams, because SF didn’t negotiate getting the funds reimbursed by a 'not-for-profit' organization that paid its commissioner "more than $44 million” in 2012. Also, according to SF Weekly, there’s no paper trail of the deal, because YOLO, right?

Meanwhile, as reported by Fusion, homeless residents were swept away, allegedly by city employees, from anywhere a tourist may see to an encampment under the freeway, only to have their tents confiscated during the rainy season by SF Public Works after the Fusion story went viral. This after the Mayor said that homeless San Franciscans would “have to leave” back in August.

There’s such a strange vibe around this. Even Newsweek has a listicle about what a mess it’s been.

Wow, this was far more ranty than anticipated. Luckily, the fantastic Katelyn sent in a response to our Monday contributor’s take on DC, and a perfect illustration of why I love this town. In the video, on a sunny SF day, a scooter-bound badass “smoking the biggest joint ever” rocks out to what I think is polka music.

May we all be this man, if but for a moment in our lives.
Peace, y’all. See you tomorrow.