Groundhogs And Jaguars And Meth-Addled Squirrels, Oh My!
Darlings! Slowly getting to the place where I don’t need ten hours of sleep just to feel alive, so yay me / let’s get back into this “standing aghast at the compost fire that is the internet in 2022” thing!
TO THIS THERE INTERWEBS!
OK, two INSANELY Bay Area stories to share with you (that were, of course, shared by many of you, dear readers.) First, The New York Times is reporting that there are “voracious” “feral swine” stalking the East Bay: The Rampaging Pigs of the San Francisco Bay Area. These porcine pests “are tearing up lawns, ripping through golf course fairways, threatening the drinking water and disturbing the harvests at Napa vineyards.” And according to this article, these one hundred pound piggy menaces “can be extremely dangerous and in rare cases have attacked and killed humans.” ATTACKED AND KILLED HUMANS. But don’t worry, friends, this article states that a conservation director suggests that “reintroducing jaguars into California could help reduce wild pig populations.” I’M SORRY, WHAT? Because, um, there’s now way that could go wrong, could it?
Which remarkably brings us to our next Bay Area story: Woodside freezes SB 9 projects, citing an exemption for mountain lion habitats (The Almanac). You see, when Senate Bill 9—designed to address California’s housing crisis by allowing any single family lots to be used for duplexes—came into law, quite a few rich suburbs were like “um, hell no, how dare you allow more to be built in our town.” So the very pricey suburb of Woodside decided that they are designating their entire town a mountain lion habitat. So there we go, release those jaguars in Woodside! And FYI, in the tear of our Flying Spaghetti Monster 2022, my only personal political platform other than “get the hell out of my uterus” is “BUILD ALL THE THINGS.”
In other non-Bay Area insanity, but keeping with the “terrifying animals” there, my Mum would like you all to read this: Alabama man accused of keeping meth-fueled 'attack squirrel' faces new charges (NBC News)
OK, one more: I guess Milltown Mel would rather be unalive than do one more gosh darned photo opp: New Jersey’s spring-predicting Milltown Mel dies just before Groundhog Day: ‘Crossed over the rainbow bridge’ (The Washington Post)
I’m sure you all heard about the Tennessee school board that banned Maus (NPR), the stunning and brutal graphic novel detailing the experience of Art Spiegelman’s father during the Holocaust, and one of the most important books of my youth, in my opinion. “BuT wHaT AbOUt cAnCEl CulTUre?!?!?!?” I scream into the wind…
And finally, whilst in the throes of COVID calamity, I watched Yellowjackets from start to finish, on advice of so may of you, and consider this my sign that you too should watch it: Juliette Lewis, Christina Ricci and teen cannibals: why Yellowjackets is the most fun TV show in forever (The Guardian) (fyi, the fact that y’all know that my jam is trashy/classy elevated TV that is teen drama meets true crime meets Donner Party shows how much I put out on this here internet…)
That’s it, that’s all! Drink lots of water, stay safe, and be kind to each other, won’t you?