I Am Devastated That No One Sent Me The Norwegian Moose Dance Video Sooner.
|Amy Widdowson||Mar 7, 2019|
Dearests! I’m sitting in my chilly kitchen, lamenting the continued rain and wondering when if ever San Francisco will see the sun again. And yes, I know that some of you are still digging yourselves out of those recent insane snowfalls, but a roof! Leaked on me! During yoga last night! My left coast struggle is real and I’d appreciate your thoughts and prayers (watches subscriber count tumble and stares into the void.)
TO THE CONTENT, FRIENDS!
Today, in great readers: friend of the Missive Zoe wanted me to remind you all that it’s the most wonderful time of the year: when Gifts to Federal Employees from Foreign Government Sources Reported to Employing Agencies in Calendar Year 2017 are released! Wooooooo! And let’s just say, some of them are doozies, like how Chinese president Xi Jinping got Trump $14,400 of calligraphy in a box with dragon handles and silk. Just read the list yourself! It’s so fun to know that the PM of Belgium got Trump a “"Tintin/Herge/since 1929", cartoon depicting cowboy eating out of a frying pan with dog eating bone, while Indians approach from behind, in oak frame” and that President of Romania got Trump a replica sword with “female forms on curved sections” (all of the vomit emojis.)
And speaking of great readers, FotM Jon would like to add on to the study I shared about all hipsters looking alike to point out that Hipster whines at tech mag for using his pic to imply hipsters look the same, discovers pic was of an entirely different hipster. That’s a pizza box chef kiss right there.
Fellow FotM Devan sent me a New Yorker piece she claims was written for me because it is “intellectual history meets Jewish culture meets coffee shops meets third-spaces meets politics so, you know, (she felt) fairly confident recommending it.” What Cafés Did for Liberalism (WELL PLAYED, DEVAN. YOU KNOW ME WELL.)
And MotM (Mum of the Missive, naturally) Barb would like you all to see that Saskatchewan Premier Scott Moe was taught a moose dance from Linda Otnes Henriksen, Vice-Mayor of Stor-Elvdal, Norway. And why was a Norwegian Vice-Mayor in Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan, you may ask? To bury the hatchet over which city has the larger moose sculpture. Home and Native Land, you’re not making it easy for me to dispel stereotypes of our proud Commonwealth when confronted. Also, the electronic music video created by Visit Norway proclaiming “MAKE MOOSE, NOT WAR. BUILD MOOSE, NOT WALLS” is a mooseforking TRIP and MUCH more fun to watch than baby shark.
Y’all did my job for me this morning and I thank you for it :) Be kind to each other!