it's almost the weekend and I can't think of anything to write for a subject line, sorry.

Darlings, didn’t we talk yesterday about how the Ryan Lochte “robbery” was most likely less like Batman’s origin story and more like Zack Galifianakis's? You know, getting wasted with some good ol’ fashioned kicking-down-bathroom-door vandalism and public urination? We were right. And while I laugh at Fusion’s theoretical take of how the whole thing went down, I, like the rest of the internet, can’t seem to shake this feeling that had this been a different US athlete, say a woman of color, the entire international incident would have been reacted to differently.

BTW humans, Ryan Lochte is 32, so let’s stop acting as if he’s a lil’ Freshman discovering Everclear for the first time. For the record, I’m not throwing stones. I’ve done some dumb-ass things under the influence in my day - which is why now my only liquid courage comes from too many shots of espresso why writing this Missive - but let’s not pretend he's a child. Though, if there’s one thing we all learned from this entire ordeal, it’s to never lie to your mother, lest you leave your bros in Brazilian jail and piss off the IOC.

Hey, do you need something super weird for the weekend? How about a Thomas the Tank Engine reaction twitter account? There ya go, don't say I never gave you anything of value.

And finally, Clickhole wins the week with Adorable: Barron Trump Dressed Mike Pence Up Like His Favorite Toy Soldier And Brought Him Down To Supper

My friends, I really really really really really really like you 😉

Happy weekend,