Kushner's Excellent Adventures, Hope is Lost, and Dolly's Hundred-Millionth Book.

There is so much happening, today’s Missive more accurately resembles me furiously scrolling through Twitter on a crowded BART train. So, you know, ENJOY!

Holy Hell, Hope Hicks is leaving the White House. Twitter has alllllll of the FEELINGS.

Also, Jared Kushner had his security clearance downgraded AND it was revealed that a handful of countries have been chatting about how they can leverage his billions and billions of debt to, you know, manipulate one of the President’s key advisors. And Kushner’s businesses got loans after he had White House meetings. Which is another reason you should go read Megan Amram’s satirical take on the young Kushner’s Harvard Admissions essay.

FedEx won’t end their discount for NRA members, unlike so many other companies out there, so ThinkProgress found out about FedEx’s deals with gun manufacturers. So if anyone asks why, just toss money emojis at them until you stop sobbing.

Today, in our dystopic hellscape: some ill or hurt individuals are ordering rideshare cars, not calling ambulances.

Emma Gonzalez, arguably the most recognizable of the Parkland student activists, wrote a lovely essay for Harper’s Bazaar. From Emma: “We are grieving, we are furious, and we are using our words fiercely and desperately because that’s the only thing standing between us and this happening again.”

Just putting this out there: Doctors Have Finally Ruled Menstrual Cramps Are as Painful as Heart Attacks.

Disney is reinvesting some of Black Panther’s piles and piles of ticket sale cash to open a STEM center in Oakland and I’m not crying, YOU’RE CRYING.

And this may be from 20 aught 9, but here’s the only article anyone should ever care about: Whither Mutton Bustin'? How the Culture of Self-Esteem Is Ruining An American Tradition.

Finally, DOLLY PARTON IS THE GODDAMNED GOAT for many reasons, but especially since she’s given away 100 million books in her lifetime. I love her so much, though I’d rather we not talk about the weird confederate politics of her live dinner shows.

Toodles, poodles!