Push That Pull Door Open Like No One Is Watching, We Got You.
Merry Impeachment Day, darlings! And no, I’m going to try and not watch it live, or obsess over it, or force my team to endure my screaming at my screen while it’s going on. Because at the end of the day, we’re all mere mortal sacks of flesh and bones who’ll eventually return to the soil and LOL nothing matters. Especially when the President of the United States sends letters to the Speaker of House that can only be described as bat-poop insane. Folks, take a deep breath and think about what your 2015 brain would do if you were told an IRL POTUS wrote and published this for other humans to see. Actually, don’t, as I don’t want to hasten your return to the aforementioned soil.
So on the anniversary of the battle, a couple of U.S. Army social media accounts shared an image of a German SS commander who “ordered the massacre of 84 U.S. prisoners of war during the Battle of the Bulge.” And not only did they share an image of this man, they shared a hand-restored-and-colored version created by an artist who really, really likes sharing Hitler stuff…
Peter Thiel continues to advise Mark Zuckerberg on U.S. politics, and no way that could end up badly, nope nope nope.
And if you’re ever wondering what keeps me up at night, it’s this: Trump Will Be Impeached but Trumpism Will F+ck Us Forever.
[Cue Ken Burns violin] My dearest brother, yesterday Mother created a Molotov cocktail out of an old Magical Frosted Forest candle jar and tossed it into the local Hallmark store after her order was yet again delayed. Many perished, and yet she persisted. I know now that our winter will be long, and cloyingly scented. Moms Are Angry That Their Yankee Candle Orders Are Delayed Big Time.
And finally, omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg GARY LARSON CREATED AN OFFICIAL FAR SIDE WEBSITE OMG.
You’re all lovely. Be kind to each other.