Oh hey there, don’t forget to buy your tickets to see me get on stage and say some words at next Tuesday’s Odd Salon at Public Works in San Francisco.

Today’s missive is brief because the relationship between the rate at which a long weekend rapidly approaches is directly related to the how urgent my to-do list is. LET’S DO THIS!

• If you read one thing today, let it be Aaron Sankin’s look into racial bias in content moderation on Facebook.

• Pretty sure that Premium Mediocre is my middle name.

• If you’re wondering why folks are mad at a Houston megachurch owner, WaPo has a handy explainer on why people hate Joel Osteen.

• Sometimes, the internet is just and good: This letter from an angry Uber investor reads like a piece of modernist poetry.

• Go Watch a Cursed Japanese Kleenex Ad because, why not! Life is short and North Korea keeps firing missiles.

• And proving once again that the Onion is timeless, please revisit 1998’s In Retrospect, I Guess We Might Have Resorted To Cannibalism A Bit Early.

You know I love you all. Until tomorrow!