Sloths, Sloths, Sloths, Sloths, Sloths.

THERE WILL BE A SLOTH AT THE PUPPY BOWL.

Tim Allen has embarked on a journey to create a work of cinema to “take down PC culture,” and you know what, the AV Club will be heeeeeere for it. And by here for it, I meant ready to drag out the “legions of people being paid a good salary to be offended professionally, likely because they were too busy being outraged and definitely not because they don’t fucking exist.”

As an immigrant who is a relative of immigrants, writing for the lot of you, who are probably immigrants or a relative of immigrants, except for my dear Matt Yazzie, whose family was here before any of our ancestors even though of setting foot here, it’s time we all read Your Grandma Was a Chain Migrant!

The Mayor of Nashville has apologized for an extra-marital affair with her head of security, an affair that created questionable worldwide taxpayer-funded travel expenses for the two of them. Let me be clear: if the relationship was fully consensual and not an abuse of power I seriously DGAF: marriages and relationships are difficult, and these personal issues are for them and their families to deal with. But using taxpayer monies for jaunts around the world with your lover? That’s some bullshit right there. Also, will we be seeing a “stand-by-your-woman” press conference, in that grand and awful political tradition? I’m not holding my breath.

You didn’t know you needed to read this, but if you’ve ever found yourself tilting your head at the conservative social media star - now on Fox - who called the latest Kennedy a “nasty little ginger,” you probably want to check out ‘A Brief History of Tomi Lahren’s Ongoing Faceplant with Hip-Hop.’

And if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be at the drive-in theater for the entirety of February byeeeeeeee. SO MANY GOOD (i hope) MOVIES OMG seriously so many trailers I almost didn’t get this Missive out this morning.

Byeeeeee!