So All That Just Happened...

Oh hey there, top of the morning to y’all! We’ve entered a brave new world where Donald Trump has won a presidential primary and I don’t know what to do with myself other than watch Funny or Die’s surprise mockumentary of Johnny Depp playing Donald Trump in the 80s on loop. I have no idea which sick Hollywood liberal comedic mind muscled that to the finish line, but if a Nobel Peace Prize isn’t in the works, there’s no justice in this world.

Can I ask you a favor? If you like this morning missive, would you mind sending one of your friends to tinyletter.com/amynw to suggest they sign up? The more crazy, the merrier.

But speaking of election insanity, with the Trump and Bernie Sandwich wins, this morning the nation is losing its collective mind. A sampler:

• Vox: Face the facts: Trump is winning

• Huffington Post: A Racist, Sexist Demagogue Just Won The New Hampshire Primary

• New York Daily News, see cover below

• National Catholic Reporter: Trump Wins NH; Millions of Catholics Cover Their Heads in Ashes

• Breitbart: Establishment Wrong Again: Trump Wins College Educated Voters In NH

• New Republic: Did Ted Cruz win New Hampshire by coming in third?

• CNN Politics: Who is Bernie Sanders?

• Boston Globe: How Bernie Sanders made Hillary Clinton look old Sick burn, Globe.

• Washington Post: Hillary Clinton just lost women to Bernie Sanders. But don’t blame Madeleine Albright and Gloria Steinem.

GOD NY DAILY NEWS, NOW I CAN'T UNSEE THAT.

And let’s throw credit where credit is due: Bernie Sanders just became the first non-Christian winner of a presidential primary, and of course CNN is wondering about a few months he spent on a kibbutz IN THE 60s. I look forward to when pundits delve into the meaning of my many months sweating my ass off in New Jersey doing summer theatre for retirement home audiences.

Kasich was second in the NH Republican field (CNN, again with the SEO bait: Who is John Kasich?), contributing to the general W T Actual F feeling right now. And in breaking news, Chris Christie, oh he of epic Rubio bitch-slap, suspended his campaign. Speaking of Rubio, yes he reads your tweets, and yes they make him sad.

And finally, now that Twitter has sentenced us all to Facebook Feed-lite, preventing me from instantly knowing exactly which Burrito place my friends are tweeting from, I insist you follow @femscriptintros, where producer Ross Putnam collects the intros for female leads in the scripts he reads. So good, like this gem: JANE (late 20s) sits hunched over a microscope. She’s attractive, but too much of a professional to care about her appearance.

PEACE OUT, FRIENDS.