"Sour Birthday Cake and Shame"
|Amy Widdowson||Apr 20, 2017|
I’ve had a few of you lovely readers pass on the news about Starbucks’s new concoction, the “Unicorn Frappucino.” I thank you all for pointing it out, especially since it seems like the pendulum reaction to this faux-artisanal branding moment we’re in AND I’M OK WITH THAT. Turns out it doesn’t taste so great - quelle surprise! - and Baristas hate to make it, So I now point YOU to the AV Club’s coverage of this monumental moment, entitled "Gazing into the emptiness of the Starbucks Unicorn Frappuccino, and of ourselves.” As the article states, "Starbucks’ Unicorn Frappuccino is the first mass-market beverage explicitly created for Instagram users” and this is why we can’t have nice things, people.
And we hear this on the same day we hear that venture-backed hardware juice company Juicero, which has received $118.5 million dollars in funding, may be [insert juice pun about getting squeezed by the media for discovering that humans can just physically force the product out of their packages and don’t need a $400 machine in order to consumer artificially-small batches of juice so far from the fruit from which they were extracted]
I am so so so very happy that Colbert is back as our collective conscience. Check out A Farewell To Bill O'Reilly From Stephen Colbert And 'Stephen Colbert’ because history my friends, history, but also for the line “We all saw this coming at us, like an old man cornering an intern in the break room."
My Mum sent this to me three days ago and I neglected to break this news with you, dear readers. But now that it’s hit the lamestream media, know that my mother wanted you all to know about Sask. ranchers stunned as beaver herds 150 cattle.
And finally, check out The Dumb Birds Field Guide. Just do it.
Toodles, my poodles