Breaking news: Hillary Clinton will be interviewed by Kara Swisher at the Code Conference and this is me right now

Also this:

ANYWAYS

If you’re like me, trying - and failing - to avoid the news about our national meltdown, you’re also probably getting texts like the one below from your mother up in Canada.

And you’re also trying out new careers like dog comedy and gauging the reaction of your funnier friends.

And you’re trolling on Twitter about local newsmen seemingly slut shaming a groping victim who’s filed a civil rights lawsuit.

If you're not, join my escapist mood this weekend and read these things:

• From The Reductress but ripped from my Facebook feed: QUIZ: Is He Into You, Just a Friend, or Trying to Get You to Join the Democratic Socialists?

• From the Mary Sue: Allow Me, a Simple English Major, to Decode FBI Director Comey’s Goodbye Letter

• From Queerty: Catholic schoolboy asked to defend church’s morals, turns in 127-page “Gay Marriage is Fabulous” paper instead

• From Esquire: How True Crime Went From Trashy TV to Prestige Entertainment

• From BuzzFeed: How We Dress Women For The End Of The World, with the too-on-the-nose subhead As dystopia and reality seem to creep closer together, we talk to the women who dressed our fictional heroes for survival.

• And finally, play this online game / get your dystopic civic knowledge on! DISTRICT A Game about Representation & Redistricting Isn’t gerrymandering fund?!?!?

Love you guys. Wish me luck this weekend as I wage war against the burr-bearing weeds in our backyard.