The Internet Is Forever, And Other Slogans I Yell At Plants

Good morning, lovelies! I’m waiting for my coffee to kick in, so let’s get straight to that stuff on the internet.

Wait wait wait. Is sentient Solo cup Tucker Carlson actually questioning the prosperity theological doctrine?

Remember darlings, the internet is forever. And that includes awkwardly phrased sexts from prominent men. And hey there, if you insist on committing your dirty prose to technology, at least try and emulate (holy hell, extremely NSFW language and concepts) James Joyce’s infamous love letters to Nora or GTFO.

Hey Soul Cycle, u ok? Between this article on your and Flywheel’s “identity crisis” and the absolutely strange targeted video ads telling me that you’ll make me happy (PROMISE?!?!,) I’m concerned about your #brand.

I am really, really excited for True Detective Season 3, especially since Season 2 was curiously bright and awkward to me. But according to The Atlantic, the show is supposedly returning to its “Southern Gothic” roots and I am HERE FOR IT. Although tbh, I should probably just re-watch Season 1 and start making highly-relevant “Time is a Flat Circle” jokes again. j/k, I totes never stopped.

And finally: today, in “Sam Biddle comes over to your kitchen to club and drown all of your remaining technology optimism”: For Owners Of Amazon’s Ring Security Cameras, Strangers May Have Been Watching Too.

Sweethearts, be the bottle-fed baby manatee* you wish to see in the world,

Xoxo Amy

*(ht Alexi for that hit of manatee)