Today, We Are All The Chicken Escaping In The Trunk Of A Delivery Person.

Poppets! It’s been a week and I feel like I’ve found myself in a personal ebb of this shelter in place adventure (ebb’s the “oh god, I am so done with this, what in all heck am I doing with my life” of tides, right?) The novelty wore off long ago, our should-have-been-flattened curve is going up and to the right in the US, and I’m getting pretty darned sick of my own company, and so are my plants. I’ve got nothing wise to say here, but if you’re like me and have found the last couple of weeks to be extra trying, I see you, I’m with you, I’m sending you hugs. Pandemics are dumb and I hate them (Pulitzer prize for newsletters, please!)

TO THE INTERNET

  • Today, in sarcastic “quelle surprise”: Coronavirus Surge in Tulsa ‘More Than Likely’ Linked to Trump Rally.

  • OMG I cannot stop laughing at this: Japan, which has a government that actually cares whether or not its people die and/or are maimed by a novel disease that is just oh-so-crafty in its ability to infect and spread, has started re-opening theme parks. And in announcing this re-opening, an amusement park’s leadership got together and decided that, since shouting “might expel a burst of virus-carrying droplets with a mid-ride utterance,” (btw WSJ, that phrasing is just so darned good,) they are encouraging people to “Please scream inside your own heart.” EVERY DAY, MY FRIENDS. EVERY. DARNED. DAY.

  • Microsoft is trying to “make video calls less miserable” by adding ways to see everyone against the same background, but I would just like them to fix the awful echo whenever folks aren’t muted, pretty please, oh god please, I beg you.

  • I am so sorry that I cannot remember who sent this to me, but even chickens are super sick of staying at home: Chicken makes daring escape in Instacart driver's trunk.

  • And finally, The Beaverton sees you, toxic masculinity: Finally a mask for men! This one has a lil dump truck on it. Can some lifestyle writer make men in masks the new hotness? The new virility? Can someone convince Alex Jones to sell masks sprinkled with synthetic ground-up rhino horn or something? Or maybe we could change our societal pressures so that guys don’t need to illogically rebel against public health-protecting measures because of ridiculous social cues? Just spitballing here.

Y’all are lovely, be kind to each other and wear your damned masks!

xoxo Amy