Turkey Terrors, And Other Poultry Problems To Distract Us From Our National Nightmare (Yes, When I’m Stressed I Alliterate.)
Darlings! How are you? Have you had some water this morning? Did you get outside for a walk yesterday? Remember I’m here for you, so let’s get through this together.
TO THE INTERNET!
Yesterday, for a fleeting few hours of glory, verified users on Twitter couldn’t post anything, which meant us unverified, unwashed masses had free rein of the site, with those checkmarked elite able only to RT us plebeians. It was actually quite fun (I served as a conduit for some of y’all afflicted, YOU’RE WELCOME, HISTORY.) and I would just be laughing at the whole thing, if it wasn’t for the absolutely disconcerting fact that it was due to a company reaction to hackers gaining access to accounts of the rich and powerful to tweet a bitcoin scam. We should all be very concerned about how this bodes for the upcoming election. If you need me, I’ll be rocking back and forth in the corner of my apartment.
Dr. Anthony Fauci has had about enough of, well, everything: ‘Let’s stop this nonsense,’ Fauci says of federal coronavirus response as he comes under fire, with the headline leaving out that he is actually under fire from Trump admin officials who are releasing oppo and writing op-eds on one of the only people who knows what the eff they are doing during this pandemic. This, while polls are showing that Fauci is far more trusted than the president on these matters.
And finally, thank you to each and every one of you who sent in our collective animal manifestation, ‘He has screamed relentlessly’: Feral peacock divides Oakland neighborhood. SAME, feral peacock, SAME. Also, how did none of you tell me about the territorial turkey terrorizing the Morcom rose garden, which led to this insanely awesome SF Chronicle headline in May: NIMBY turkey menaces visitors at Oakland rose garden, with a first line that made me snort: “Gerald the turkey is not practicing social distancing.”
You’re awesome. Be kind to each other, and wear your damned masks, s’il vous plaît.